(Note: this post is raw. Cleansing to write but not spit-shined like this writer would prefer for every post on this blog. But I am hoping that documenting this trial in real time will be beneficial to me and glorifying to God.)
I don't think I have ever awakened before with a racing heart. It was unsettling but not without cause. We are in a crisis, and I am finding it hard to rest. After laying there with my eyes open and my heart pounding in my head for about an hour, I finally went downstairs to pace and pray.
Do not be anxious for anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
This is not a completely new place for us, but it just seems bleaker right now.
I paced the living room last night to try to still my racing heart. Go back to what I know:
I know that my Redeemer lives.
I know that God is in control.
I know that all things work for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.
I know God is the author of calamity.
I know that nothing can separate us from the love of God.
I know that I am being conformed to His image.
I know God's faithfulness is great.
I know that His mercies are new every morning.
I am comforted by parents who love us and counsel us.
I am offended by those who have had relatively little adversity weighing in on areas beyond both their expertise and their experience.
I am mindful that I must keep my eyes on the Lord, not on the wind and the waves.
I am even thankful for adversity that creates the pressure that changes me.
As I began to thank God for this place He has brought us to, my heart began to still. There is no new news this morning. My job is to glorify God. I declare this morning that He is good. More later.